By Emmanuel Edukugho
Marriage is the union of a man and a woman in mutual consent to live together, become “one flesh”, be fruitful (have children), multiply and replenish the earth. From time of creation, God found it was not good that the man should be alone and He formed a woman out of him as help mate.
Marriage involves two persons of opposite sex with differing personalities trying to develop common interests for the common good, in what was supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Although married people are faced with several socio-economic problems, life may have turned out not as good and pleasant as expected. No wonder that thousands of marriages have suffered shipwreck.
PARENTHOOD
PARENTHOOD
According to a psychologist in the University of Lagos, “half of all Nigerian marriages today are expected to end in separation or divorce within the first 10 years or even less of marriage.”
He affirmed: “Even among those who re-marry, a significant number will separate again. The African, especially Nigerian marriage system is so fluid and flexible that marriages keep breaking up as spouses enter into fresh marital obligations or remain to stay single.”
It is amazing that the number of single parent families has risen enormously in recent years.
Ngozi Nwonye, a secretary in a leading insurance company separated from her husband just after four years of marriage and have the custody of their two children. One of them, an SSS 3 student told Saturday Vanguard about the tauntings from his school mates reminding him that he is the product of a broken home.
“So when my son returned from school one afternoon complaining to me that some of his mates were scornfully referring to him as coming from a broken home, I told him to reply them next time that he is a special child. That answer did it and they stopped.”
Dupe Martins, a supervisor in a pharmacy shop at Ojuelegba, Lagos, said her marriage has endured for nearly eight years and still waxing strong despite several turmoils.
“Today, many things can strain a marriage. Some men refuse to accept their responsibilities. In the same vein, some women refuse to accept the headship of their husbands. In many marriages, one spouse is abused by the other. For others, economic stresses, human imperfections, infidelity, promiscuity, immorality, distorted sense of values can test loyalties of couples. However, there are spouses who remained faithful to their marital vows even in the most difficult situations,” Dupe pointed out.
She added that above all, there is need for tolerance from both wife and husband. “We have to demonstrate brotherly feeling, affection for each other, be tenderly compassionate, show humility, not paying back evil for evil, injury for injury, cheating for cheating, distrust for distrust or reviling for reviling.”
Dupe contended that men have privileges in our communities and the society which on the other hand, women do not have. In an average, God-fearing family, women are subjected to their husbands.
A manager in an oil company, Ejiro Kennedy postulated that several problems and challenges have made it extremely difficult for modern-day marriages to endure thereby bringing sadness, enemity, instability, divorce as many couples nowadays are unable to cope with human frailties and economic downturns.
“My wife, a banker, left me with three children – two boys and a girl, accusing me of infidelity, that I was cheating on her having two women outside our matrimonial home which cannot be substantiated with facts. Meanwhile, I’ve found out through painstaking investigations that she had three lovers or boyfriends who frequently send her money without my knowledge and buy her expensive clothes and jewelery.
When I confronted her with the hard facts, she had no option but to pack away from the house and rent a new apartment in Somolu. She is now a career woman, married to her job”.
Mr. Ejiro is now coping with three children left behind by his estranged wife. He did not allow her to take custody of the children. “They are all in school. I wake up as early as 5 a.m to prepare them for school. It is tough taking care of them, making food and all that … I am planning to send the eldest child to my aunt in Bariga. For now, I’m not thinking of re-marrying.”
Several widows and widowers have become single parents, with children born to their late spouses in their charge.
“Those widows fortunate to have handsome inheritance left behind by their late husbands can successfully take care of their children without much difficulty,” said Mr. Ayodele.
Yusuf, an advert executive in a newspaper company says, “But those without any tangible fortune to rely on or a good paying job may not find single parenting easy. A lot of stress and inconvenience are involved in taking care of the children.”
While widowers may be able to cope with the challenges of single parenting, many widows seem trapped in the dilemma of catering for the children after the death of their husbands. This may explain why we have an explosion of area boys, fraudsters, political thugs, hoodlums and miscreants who have become social misfits in the nation, including militants, insurgents and prostitutes.
Children born outside wedlock are also constituting a menace to the society. Some cultures frown at such development especially when bride prices are not paid in respect of their mothers.
Yoruba called such children “Omo ale”and not accepted in the family unless bride prices have been paid. Similarly, Igbo culture does not accept children whose fathers are not known nor paid dowries to the family.
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